Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

Feel like relapsing so bad right now. These past few days have been rough. I'm getting through them though and that's what matters. I will be happy again. I just feel like a lonely failure, but things will get better I guess, they always do. I went an entire month without relapsing so that's good!
Only two more days of school this year!! I'm almost a senior which I am super excited about because I want to leave this place and go to college so bad. xD I'm so excited for my future you have no idea!!
well I guess that's it. I'm leaving saturday to see family, and won't be back until July, so stay wonderful everyone on Polyvore! xD

#teenangst

There's an enormous ache in my chest because time is passing by too quickly,
And there's nothing I can do to stop it or slow it down.
I am not doing what I want to be doing with my life.
The grains of sand that measure time are slipping through my fingers.
I'm trapped.
I'm trapped in this house while everyone else is going to parties and dances and hanging out with friends.
I wish I had a best friend.
I wish I had someone to talk to, and go do fun things with.
I wish I could find someone that wanted to be around me.
And I wish I wouldn't push them away like I did years ago when I thought there were better friends out there.
Because at least then I had company.
There is a hole in my chest from believing,
That I would ever have friends.
This loneliness is so crippling that it is actually killing me.
And I don't even know what I did wrong..

I'm really confused about the whole guy thing.
And prom is coming up and if I don't ask someone soon I'm not going. But it's not that big of a deal, I still have next year to go.
I've been trying not to let it get to me, but everytime I see him I get really happy like wow! I just can't help it.It's like no matter how many times I try to get over him, or insist that there's nothing there we talk, and laugh, and he makes me so happy. Today in Chemistry, I looked up at him and he said "what?" and I just put my head back down and shook it like "nothing" and smiled because he is just so beautiful. I haven't seen him in that way in a while, because I was too busy overanalyzing everything and blaming him for everything. But he is such an amazing person. I could list a million instances like this, but basically, he makes me really happy and I don't know why I'm so afraid of admitting it to anyone including myself. I don't know why I'm so afraid of falling in love.

I haven't been on in forever I guess.
And I didn't have much time to make an actual set so this is not as good as I wanted it to be..
But all is well at the moment..
Ashton called me his friend today. And this past month he has been very considerate. Like if I seemed mad at him because of something he said he would apologize and be cautious of the next thing he said. It's like he actually cares about me a lot more than I think.
It's a start I guess. I'm still not completely reliant on him though because he hasn't proved himself that much but today was a great day!
And the guy I did the musical orchestra thing with was facing forwards on the bus but he was staring at me from behind his glasses so it didn't look like he was, but he totally was.
I really want to talk to him but I don't know what to say!! agh!! haha.

We're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again.
 
Just Give Me A Reason//P!nk

Happy for Today//The Starkins
 
I'm in the middle of spring break and I already reorganized my room so I'm really happy now. I've also started excersising pretty regularly and eating healthy. Well, except for all that easter candy I just ate. :P But the other day I went on a 6 mile bike ride and it didn't wipe me out or anything.
I'm gonna mix some music (soundation is great) and redesign some clothes yay!

It's spring break now.

I don't even know anymore guys..
I don't even know.